Heaven or Hell

I took this photo at the end of September. I was out on a shoot taking photos of Auckland for a conference. Gorgeous day, full of energy, the sword of Damocles dangling over my head re whether or not I would have a job come 1st of November and the restructure of my workplace. I had a pretty good idea which way it was going to go as I had not received any job offers, despite having applied for a dozen jobs. Still, as long as nothing was declared… there seemed a sense of – not hope – but possibility. And to be honest, I was not sure I wanted to work there anymore. Something about not being actively WANTED is dispiriting.

I’d just sat down to shoot some construction workers when my mobile rang – the big boss’s assistant asking me to come into her office that afternoon. Ugh. Just Ugh. Of course I agreed.

I decided to make my way back uptown and go find a friend beforehand – I needed a little love and support.

Hotel California started playing in my brain as I climbed these stairs. They seemed to go on and on and where was I going? Heaven or Hell? Somewhere in between? Six months down the road – I’ve bought a business, but I’m still settling into my life. I haven’t stopped climbing, it just doesn’t feel so hard.

Published by Titirangi Storyteller

Telling tales from around the world

6 thoughts on “Heaven or Hell

  1. weird is this.

    1: Just before reading this, on my playlist? Hotel California.

    2: As soon as I saw the title, I started singing said song.


    I have given up trying to explain such things.

    Good luck with the new venture.


  2. One of my all time favourite songs! There are a few Hotel Californias in Baja, Mexico that claim to be THE one. The one I visited, I decided, was THE inspiration. After all, lines from the song bounced out of my head and off the walls without provocation.

    Unless we’re moving, we can’t turn a corner. I look forward to seeing you say, “Thank goodness I did this.”


    1. I am glad I did this – and I don’t resent the work involved with building it into something strong and truly self-supporting. But I still have a bit of consternation – and when I do I remind myself that without it, without a bit of angst, there is no catalyst…
      I guess it’s a push-pull. I have to have challenges – it’s how I’m hard wired. If they don’t present themselves, I go and find them. And then I grumble – which must also be part of the wiring…


  3. Love “Hotel California,” one of my all-time favorite tunes. The stairway is an apt metaphor for where you were that day, and perhaps it felt like hell that day, but today, on reflection, it was actually a new heaven just at the top of the stairs and off frame. You just couldn’t see it yet.


    1. I think you are right – and why I was inspired even then to take the photo – I knew it captured so much of what was going on inside me and around me.

      And the irony is that in the end it was 100% my choice to go, because they did come to me in the 11th hour with a very good job offer. I walked away willingly.


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