Heaven or Hell
I took this photo at the end of September. I was out on a shoot taking photos of Auckland for a conference. Gorgeous day, full of energy, the sword of Damocles dangling over my head re whether or not I would have a job come 1st of November and the restructure of my workplace. I had a pretty good idea which way it was going to go as I had not received any job offers, despite having applied for a dozen jobs. Still, as long as nothing was declared… there seemed a sense of – not hope – but possibility. And to be honest, I was not sure I wanted to work there anymore. Something about not being actively WANTED is dispiriting.
I’d just sat down to shoot some construction workers when my mobile rang – the big boss’s assistant asking me to come into her office that afternoon. Ugh. Just Ugh. Of course I agreed.
I decided to make my way back uptown and go find a friend beforehand – I needed a little love and support.
Hotel California started playing in my brain as I climbed these stairs. They seemed to go on and on and where was I going? Heaven or Hell? Somewhere in between? Six months down the road – I’ve bought a business, but I’m still settling into my life. I haven’t stopped climbing, it just doesn’t feel so hard.
weird is this.
1: Just before reading this, on my playlist? Hotel California.
2: As soon as I saw the title, I started singing said song.
coincidence?
I have given up trying to explain such things.
Good luck with the new venture.
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Tino11
28/04/2011 at 10:33 pm
There are those with dumb luck, those who encounter coincidence and then there are those who live in a world of synchronicity… I know where I fall… and so do you!
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Titirangi Storyteller
29/04/2011 at 11:05 am
One of my all time favourite songs! There are a few Hotel Californias in Baja, Mexico that claim to be THE one. The one I visited, I decided, was THE inspiration. After all, lines from the song bounced out of my head and off the walls without provocation.
Unless we’re moving, we can’t turn a corner. I look forward to seeing you say, “Thank goodness I did this.”
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souldipper
29/04/2011 at 9:54 am
I am glad I did this – and I don’t resent the work involved with building it into something strong and truly self-supporting. But I still have a bit of consternation – and when I do I remind myself that without it, without a bit of angst, there is no catalyst…
I guess it’s a push-pull. I have to have challenges – it’s how I’m hard wired. If they don’t present themselves, I go and find them. And then I grumble – which must also be part of the wiring…
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Titirangi Storyteller
01/05/2011 at 6:58 pm
Love “Hotel California,” one of my all-time favorite tunes. The stairway is an apt metaphor for where you were that day, and perhaps it felt like hell that day, but today, on reflection, it was actually a new heaven just at the top of the stairs and off frame. You just couldn’t see it yet.
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poietes
01/05/2011 at 1:04 pm
I think you are right – and why I was inspired even then to take the photo – I knew it captured so much of what was going on inside me and around me.
And the irony is that in the end it was 100% my choice to go, because they did come to me in the 11th hour with a very good job offer. I walked away willingly.
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Titirangi Storyteller
01/05/2011 at 7:03 pm